Hi, Beelzebub here. Hope you all are having a hot summer! This global warming thing has all us in the Underworld excited. More exciting and comfortable vacation destinations for the minions of Hell! Oh, are you uncomfortale, mortals? Feck Off!
In this our opening Stanza of the NEW & IMPROVED HELL'S HANDBOOK & MISSAL OF THE BLACK MASS, you will find instructions on how to make the most of your (eternal) stay here, who's hot and who's not, and probably most interesting to you personally, who helped put you here in the first place!
There are many, many people responsible for feeding the maws of Hell, and I just couldn't function without 'em! Let me take just a moment to send a shout out to my BEOY-EEEE! Sen. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania, who has been invaluable recently in letting my minions and I know that the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts will be shipped in as soon as they are "done"!
In the coming summer weeks, when things slow down Down Under 'cause you folks are accumulating Frequent-Flayer-Points up Topside, I'll be sending out helpful bits of information on Do's 'N' Dont's of Hades. You will ALL find this valuable in future, 'cause ... well ... YOU ARE ALL MINE!
BWOOHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAaaaaa... ahem. Sorry, I'm a bit of a show off.
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